Train wreck

Steaming heat from the countless holes
collides and jumps with the cold,
screaming children's voices,

an electronic sound swells
like tears from hell,
they play up, from

the restless animal,
monotonous noise,
silences thoughts,

and lead the way home.

I leave the waiting room, while a woman right in front of me slams the door. Dragging suit and bag, I wait on the platform. An electronic voice tells me that the train has been delayed and how it will come, that I will also miss the next connection. I will arrive late at my parents’ house. As always on Friday evenings.

Children playing, running around and crawling under Dad’s legs, pushing each other off the platform, no fear of being run over. I only seem to have that fear. I fix my eyes on an old pot with green moss and a cactus in the middle, standing proudly upright as the lone rectified thing being pleased by the wildly rushing wind.

 A big lady can't explain 
 my strange behaviour,
 when I stare, with endless gaze,
 at that dirty old pot.

The iron wreck stops and pulls me in.

Again children, innocently calling on daddy, and I think, yes, I want lots of children later. I will populate this greyed-out world with children, young blood to combat old mistakes. As I stare out the window, I suddenly see that I no longer have eyes, only 2 black holes, empty and soulless…. I get hot and cold, sweat imprisons me, my heart pounds senselessly, I try to keep breathing, just breathing, try to think of my little room, where I will talk to images that should give volume to the empty feeling.

I look at myself, quietly alienate, no longer knowing what and why I think, why I am and why it feels that everything I do, is on repeat.