Life for lust (Part 2)

It’s your choice

“And how about if I go one day to the ladies of pleasure?”
A long silence fell in the car. I could see his thoughts grinding. As if he first had something, like yes, of course, I did it also, and then suddenly changed his mind.
“Uhm, well, son, that depends on what you want, I’m a poor counsellor in that, I only knew your mother and have no other experience in those things. ” After which he coughed for a moment.
“But, is it wrong if I just do that, you know?”
“Nothing is wrong, if it is by mutual consent, the difference is that in this case you are paying for it and well, of course you don’t know the background of those ladies.”
“And if I were to ask about it first, and it turns out that she is doing it purely out of business and is not forced into it, if everything feels normal?”
“I don’t know, you choose, I would never do it myself,” he hesitates for a moment, “you decide who you want to be.”

What the fuck do I get from that! Who I want to be?! I want to be able to decide freely and talk about it openly, without feeling judged.

There fell another one of those awkward silences, a g- uhm, with nothing in the end. Fortunately, I am different from him. Although I envy his often calm relatable words and stoic patience. He always leaves me very free, at the same time he does let me feel whether he approves or not. With my mother I don’t dare to bring it up at all, every time I did something, that coloured a little outside the lines, she indicated that it came from my biological father, because she would never do like that. Such as when I had a rage at school or at home, or just said very open and confrontational things, things they would rather not hear.

So anyway, his advice, as always, I’m ignoring. Now I have to plan how I’m going to handle it.

It has to be done quickly. As soon as my condition is better again, a week of no fast food, no alcohol and no online wank it now. After that, I will do it.