Pause

Locked in my little room, on break, I stopped studying for a while.

Scrolling around now in front of my zombie screen. An Asian man who has to estimate the weight of three very busty women, feels and smells, she squeezes him between her breasts and then he emerges, looking intoxicated. Lost in size. Fake breasts impressed for men, for their benefit of joy, where in ten years from now she can use them as an elastic rope, her entire skin sucked down into a shopping cart to move around. I like big, but no, not like that.

I scroll on, a transvestite and a man with crazy glasses singing an easy popsong, scroll, a talking dog and a man imitating a monkey, gone, close that business. I’m not moving on. Not to the more serious stuff. No blood today.

I try to rest for a while, but my head keeps on scrolling. Images of a promise patiently waiting for me, images of a card reader who predicts the future for me, if I only pay enough, images of the sweet woman who once stroked my ego and then told me flat out they wanted to be friends, cause they have no one in their circle like me, a creative mind, funny in a crazy way, and poor, not a nail to scratch his hole, let alone treat them on stuff, with only an old mountain bike to get around, yes nice, such a geek, as a friend, while she lays herself naked next to me and says, you can feel my breasts, but nothing more, we are friends, remember. All these moments now flicker before my eyes at an insane rate. They won’t let me go, my mind is hungry and want them back, in a different way.

Black out. I’ve lost them, they are only there to satisfy lost desires and to keep me in my room.

Break done, back studying.

Matters, boring and not so boring. Parts of life.
Please pause me, for a while.